Borstoperatie | Deel 2

Het was zover. Eindelijk zou ik verlost zijn van Carmella (don’t judge me for naming it). Ze rolden me door de gang heen naar de operatiezaal net zoals in de film. Je ligt er wezenloos te liggen, nadenkend over al die dingen die kunnen misgaan. En bij elk lichtje dat er boven mijn hoofd voorbij ging, dacht ik: “Is dit mijn laatste keer …?”.Doe ik het spectaculairder lijken dan het was? Wel nee, ik was serieus doodsbang. Meerdere gedachten gingen door me heen en telkens weer werd ik eraan herinnerd dat het nu de moment was dat Carmella van me werd gescheiden.  Niet alleen dat, ook het feit dat er bij narcose zoveel bijwerkingen kunnen zijn en dat ik nooit geopereerd ben geweest, dus geen idee had of ik niet allergisch ben aan een bepaald medicijn.

Ik ben wat bang dit artikel te schrijven. Eens dit geschreven is, is het voorbij. Dan is het gedaan. Dan wil ik dit hoofdstuk achter me laten en er niet meer aan denken. Anderzijds zal dit nooit of te nooit weg gaan. De schrik dit weer te moeten doorstaan en bang te zijn dat het volgende keer misschien nog groter/erger zal zijn. I don’t know. 

Anyhow, het was dus zover. Ik kwam om half acht aan in het ziekenhuis, waar ik meteen een kamer toegewezen kreeg. Na heel wat heen en weer te hebben gestunteld, kwamen mama en ik eindelijk op de juiste dienst terecht en lieten zij me weten dat er nog steeds een mannelijke patiënt lag, maar dat er wel een zaal ter beschikking gesteld kon worden.

Akkoord, er lag nog een vrouw die in de voormiddag naar huis zou gaan en verder waren er geen andere patiënten in de zaal. Ik kreeg mijn operatiekleed en ze lieten me ook weten dat ik om half tien als eerste aan de beurt was.

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Nog snel besloot ik een facebookberichtje te posten ter bedanking (zo’n lieve berichtjes en get-well-soonekes) en had mijn blogpost over de operatie ingepland rond 10u . Op die manier zouden mensen het kunnen lezen terwijl de operatie bezig was en als “antwoord” dienen op de vragen die mijn vrienden en vriendinnen zouden hebben voor me.

Veel mensen vertelde ik ook niet over mijn knobbel, omdat ik niemand nodeloos ongerust wilde maken en dit ook alleen maar ‘medelijden’ teweeg zou brengen. Daar heb ik basically niets aan en dus vertelde ik er niets over.

Vervolgens werd ik door een verpleegster opgehaald en naar de negende verdieping gebracht, waar de operatiekamers plaatsvinden. IJskoud was het daar zeker en vast en besefte ik plots dat het écht ging gebeuren.

Narcose schrikt me enorm af en de vele verhalen die de ronde doen over narcose helpen me ook niet echt. De steungroepen voor vrouwen met borstkanker hebben me altijd goed geholpen en ondersteund en klaargestoomd. Maar erover lezen en steun krijgen is iets heel anders dan er echt gaan liggen en ondergaan.

Steungroep borstkanker

We kwamen aan bij de operatiekamer, kreeg enkele vragen over mijn gezondheid en gegevens en dan brachten ze mij naar binnen, waar ik mij moest verplaatsen naar de operatietafel. Ik werd aan allerlei machines en draden vastgeketend en voelde mij enorm nerveus.

Het hoofd van de borstchirurge kwam plots tevoorschijn en ze vroeg me of ik er klaar voor was. Enorm blij en gelukkig zag zij eruit. Als een kind dat een snoepje kreeg of beter: een taart mocht aansnijden.

Er werd me een mondmasker opgelegd en ik moest tot tien tellen en erg diep inademen. Dit deed me echter niets en nogmaals moest ik tot tien tellen. Het enige effect hierbij was dat ik de helft van mijn gehoor verloor en een enorm vies branderig gevoel in mijn buik naar mijn borstkas had en dat ik in paniek schoot. Veel kon ik niet doen, want ik was half verdoofd. Vervolgens was ik nog steeds bij bewustzijn en werd ik opgedragen gewoon te blijven tellen en diep in te ademen tussen de tellen in. Ik herinner me nog tot de 30 te zijn gegaan en dan werd alles donker.

Rond 11u…9 (believe me ik weet ECHT niet meer welke tiental er voor de negen stond, maar al de rest zit erin gegrift!) werd ik losgekoppeld van alle machines en weer naar mijn kamer gebracht waar mijn mama mij stond op te wachten. Meteen viel ik weer in slaap en werd ik rond half drie weer wakker en mocht ik drinken. Dit durfde ik nog niet, ben ik weer in slaap gevallen en werd ik weer wakker om half vier en zag ik dat mijn eerste bezoekster er nog steeds was. Mijn lief nichtje is meteen gekomen, zodra ze erachter kwam.

Mijn oma, opa, tante, andere tante, Roxannetje, Inne, Silke, Maxine, broer en schoonzus zijn allemaal geweest en ik hou van ze allemaal! En heb zoveel schattige en lieve cadeautjes gekregen :’) Al die lieve mensen die me nadien zijn komen bezoeken zoals Caroline, Julie, mijn andere tantes en nog wat vriendinnen. Jullie weten niet hoe hard ik het apprecieer! Thanks!

12873424_1543268395973520_868667109_okopie

De knobbel is weg, de kankerkern is gone, al hetgeen errond zat bleek goedaardig te zijn en de volledige knobbel bestond uit verschillende stukjes en verkruimelde blijkbaar letterlijk bij het weghalen. De patholoog had wat probleempjes hierdoor bij het onderzoek, maar na twee weken kreeg ik dus eindelijk te horen dat de kanker weg was.  Over zes maanden mag ik gaan kijken of er niets is gegroeid of alles stabiel gebleven is. Het enige jammere aan de hele zaak is dat het lijkt alsof ik bijna niets meer kan doen. Bukken, dragen, strekken. Alles doet nog pijn en gaat moeizaam. De pijn is er nog steeds en nog steeds heb ik last van waar mijn infuusje zat, but I’m fine. Langzaam maar zeker ben ik aan het genezen.

Bedankt allemaal voor jullie lieve reacties onder mijn blog ook en op mijn facebookpagina en gewoon voor alles. Jullie zijn allemaal geweldig!

Hiermee sluit ik dit verschrikkelijk hoofdstuk af, maar zal me blijven engageren voor mensen die dit nu doorstaan op een hoger level of eender welk niveau.

Volgen jullie  me ineens op facebook en instagram en abonneren jullie ineens op mijn kanaal?

Asalamoe aleikoem

Dag dag

117 Comments

  • Engelina 1 April 2016 at 12:13

    Wat een heftige gebeurtenis.Logisch dat je bang was, gelukkig is de knobbel weg.
    Hopelijk blijf je gezond veel beterschap en succes bij het herstel

    Reply
  • Aspasiaa 1 April 2016 at 13:23

    Goed dat die knobbel nu weg is. Hopelijk verdwijnt die pijn ook snel!

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    • Sarahmari.com 1 April 2016 at 13:32

      Klopt het mag stilletjesaan beginnen minderen van me 😀

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  • bonsje 1 April 2016 at 16:58

    Wat heftig zeg! heel veel sterkte bij het herstel! Hopelijk blijft alles goed gaan, ik bid voor je.

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    • Sarahmari.com 1 April 2016 at 22:00

      Amen to that! Dankjewel!

      Ikzelf ben gelovig en ik geloof erin dat als ik op God blijf vertrouwen, dat het eventually goed komt! <3

      Reply
  • fje1980 4 April 2016 at 16:58

    Heftig allemaal, Alhamdulilah en wat een opluchting meid, het blijft schrikken – het is niet niets allemaal. Allah jeshafiek en doe rustig aan, geef het de tijd goed te genezen zodat je never nooit meer last krijgt, veel liefs

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